The Pearl

A Journal of Facetiæ and Voluptuous Reading.

SUB-UMBRA, OR

SPORT AMONG THE SHE-NOODLES.

(continued)

Next morning Annie and her sisters rallied us upon our late appearance at the breakfast table, remarking with a pouting look, "that we could not care much for their company if we laid a-bed and left them to themselves for the best half of the day, and that Rosa was just as bad, for she was actually still in dishabille, taking her breakfast in her own room."

Here mama interposed, by adding, "Besides, Walter, I am astonished you should copy Frank's lazy ways, you who on your first arrival here were so eager for early morning walks; look at Annie, she is not half so rosy and animated as she looked after your first walk."

A deep flush passed across Annie's face at this allusion to our first eventful walk, when we had the adventure with the bull, but I prevented her parents' observing it by replying that:"Residents in town were always in such a hurry to enjoy the fresh air, and that it seemed to have an extraordinary somnolescent effect upon me, as I could hardly keep my eyes open at supper time, or rouse myself from sleep in the morning."

FRANK. - "I'm glad you have found out it is not all laziness now. Walter will take my part when I assert it is the natural drowsiness of youth, which is readily induced by the keen bracing air we breathe all day."

Papa made a few incredulous, ironical remarks about the youth of the present day, and then breakfast being over, as he rose from the table, said: "Walter, would you mind riding a dozen miles to oblige me. Frank would not be ready to start for an hour at least; besides, I would rather trust you than him with the lady my note is for; Mrs. Colonel Leslie is both young and gay, and I would rather not run the risk of Frank being one day a corespondent in the Divorce Court, and caution you to take care of yourself."

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I readily assented, more especially when I noticed a shade of jealous anxiety flit across Annie's tell-tale face. The horse was already at the door, so springing into the saddle I rode off with a fluttering anticipation of something racy being likely to turn up. I shall not trouble about my reflections during this delightful hour's ride; the atmosphere was most deliciously bracing, and my thoughts were so amorously bent that when I reined up at the lodge-gate, at the entrance to the Colonel's grounds, I felt that I could fuck anything in petticoats, from a witch to a gatepost; the gatekeeper soon passed me in, and springing from my saddle before the door of a fine old Elizabethan hall, my knock was promptly responded to by a most handsome young coloured fellow with a Hindoo cast of features.

Mrs. Leslie was at home, and he begged I would excuse her coming down to the drawing-room, as she was still at her toilette, and would immediately see me in her private boudoir.

This courteous message revived all my romantically amorous ideas, with which I had indulged myself during my ride.

Ushered into the boudoir, I found the lady of the house to be a beautiful brunette of about three-and-twenty, with a most bewitching expression of countenance, whilst her large, full, dark eyes seemed to read my very soul as she extended her hand and drew me to a seat by her side, saying: "So, you are cousin Walter, I suppose; how is it that Frank did not ride over with his papa's note? But tell him," she added with a very arch look, "that I was quite as well pleased to see you, and that I consider his cousin quite as fascinating as himself."

Then ringing the bell, she continued, "Will you take a cup of chocolate with me after your ride? It will invigorate me for the serious business of your uncle's note," opening a drawer and laying several bundles of papers like legal documents on the table, just as the servant entered (he was the good-looking Hindoo who had first introduced me).

MRS LESLIE. - "Vishnu, bring up the chocolate, with two cups and some biscuits, and mind not to forget the flask of noyau," remarking to me as he disappeared, "Is he not a good looking heathen? The Colonel had him long before he married me, and I call him his principal Hindoo deity; whenever I look at him it puts me in mind of Joseph and Potiphar's wife, especially now the Colonel is away; do you not think it a burning shame to leave a young wife all alone by herself?"

She continued to run on in this curious way, without giving me a chance to make a reply or observation in return, as she busied herself laying out the papers, making pretence of an awful lot of business to be gone through.

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The servant now brought in the chocolate, etc, and was dismissed with the order to tell Annette that her mistress would be too busy for some time, and was not to be disturbed until she rung for the completion of her toilette.

My fair hostess was a most charming object as she moved about in her dressing-gown, which was rather open at the neck, so as to display the upper part of the snowy prominences of her luscious bosom, besides which I caught glimpses of her naked feet, with nothing on but the most petite blue satin slippers.

Presently she poured out two cups of chocolate, put in a little of the noyau, and presenting me with one of them took her seat by my side, on the soft yielding lounge. "Drink it off as I do," she said; "it will do you far more good than sipping and allowing it to get cold."

We both drank our small cups at a draught, and I almost instantly felt a thrill of voluptuous warmth rush through my frame, and looking at my fair companion, her eyes seemed to sparkle with a strange amorous fire.

The devil was in me; in less time than it takes to write it, my empty cup was put on the table, and my disengaged arm placed round her neck; I drew her face to mine, and imprinted several kisses on her lips and cheeks as my other hand took possession of that inviting bosom; she was covered with blushes as she exclaimed, "Fie! Fie. Sir!! how can you take such liberties when I can't help myself without dropping my cup?"

"Dear lady, excuse my liberties, and don't distress yourself, I am really greatly obliged to the cup for its assistance; how can I look upon such loveliness without being tempted, yes, tempted! Driven mad by the sight of such charms; you will excuse, you will pardon my presumption, I am sure," I ejaculated, throwing myself upon my knees before her and hiding my face in her lap, as I clasped my arms nervously round her waist, and could feel her whole frame tremble with emotion.

Suddenly she seemed to start with pain as she exclaimed, "Ah! Goodness! Oh! Oh!! Oh!! The cramp in my legs. Oh! Oh!" as the cup was thrown down by her side. "Oh, release me, sir! Oh, Walter, excuse me, I must rub it!"

Here was a splendid opportunity to improve a lucky chance. "Permit me, poor dear lady, you are in such dreadful pain, and I am a medical student," I said, making bold to raise her dressing-gown and chafe her lovely calves with my eager hands; what lovely legs I now beheld, with not a vestige of anything on them; my blood was on fire, my fingers gradually wandered higher and higher, and I could not refrain from imprinting kisses on the delicious soft, pinky flesh, as she seemed rather to sigh than speak, "Oh! Thank you, pray don't, it's so indelicate, and the cramp is gone now."

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"No, no, dear Madame, the nervous contraction of your beautiful thighs convince me that it is higher up, and will return again in a few moments, unless I can relieve you; indeed you must not mind me, as I am a medical man," I quickly replied, making bolder advances every moment, and taking advantages of the warm temperament I knew she possessed.

"You rogue, you young villain, your touches and kisses have undone me, how can I resist a handsome student? Oh, Walter, Walter, I must have you! I had only been trying to draw you out a little, never thinking you were such a young gallant; and now I am caught in my own net!"

"Ah! What a hurry. You'll spoil it all by your impetuosity; you shall never have me without first kissing the shrine of love."

"Sir!" pushing me away, as I was endeavouring to get between her lovely thighs. "Strip, strip, sir, I must see my Adonis, as your Venus now unveils herself to you," throwing off her dressing-gown (which I now saw was her only article of clothing); and drawing my face down to hers, she thrust her tongue into my mouth, "tipping the velvet" in the most delicious style of voluptuous abandon, and delightfully handling my prick and balls at the same time. It was too much for my impatient steed, my spendings flew all over her hands and body almost instantly.

"Ah! What a naughty impatient boy, to come so quickly! Pull off your clothes, sir, and let us take our fill of love on yonder bed. My husband deserves this, for leaving me open to such temptation. You dear boy, how I shall love you; what a fine prick you have, and so-so - what do they call it? - (blushing at her own words) so randy! That's what the Colonel says of the young fellows. Isn't it a dreadfully rude word, Walter? But so full of meaning. Whenever he said so, I couldn't help wishing for a handsome, randy young gentleman, such as your uncle has sent me to-day." This is how she ran on, as I threw off everything, and I was as naked as herself in a trice; then, hugging, kissing, belly to belly, and handling each other's charms in every possible way, we slowly progressed towards the inviting bed in the other room; once or twice I stopped and tried to get my prick into her standing up, but she would have none of that, and at last, when her bottom rested against the edge of the bed, she ordered me to kneel down and kiss the seat of love; how my tongue searched out her fine stiff clitoris, which projected quite an inch-and-a-half from the lips of her vagina. I sucked it in ecstasy, and titillated her sensitive organs so that she spent profusely in a minute or two, holding my head with her hands to make me go on; it was a most deliciously enjoyable gamahuche; my tongue revelled in her creamy emission, till she begged me to slip off my shirt and come on the bed and let her enjoy my fine prick. So I ended this prelude with a playful, loving bite on her excited clitoris, and then, springing to my feet, we rolled on to the bed, her ready hand grasping my cock, as I mounted on her lovely body.

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"What a shame!" she sighed. "How you have been spending, you naughty boy, you won't have much left for me now; but he's fine and stiff!" as she squeezed it in her hand, and brought the head of my affair to the mark.

I found her deliciously tight, and assured her she was quite a virgin.

"So I should be, my dear Walter, but for you. The Colonel has got so little to please me with, that, tight as I am, I can hardly feel him! Now your jewel of pleasure makes me feel gorged with delight!"

Her motions were as lascivious as her words. She writhed and threw up her buttocks with extraordinary rapidity and energy, whilst I was equally eager and rapid in ramming into her delicious cunt.

I was ready as if I had never spent, and we swam in a mutual emission almost immediately, both of us being so overcome by our feelings that we almost swooned in delight; this only lasted for a minute; the throbbing and contracting of the folds of her vagina on my enraptured prick awoke me to renewed efforts, and we were rapidly progressing towards another spend, when she checked me, and begged I would withdraw for a little, when she would amuse me till she felt she must have him again, and she added, "I shall enjoy it so much more if I can make you last longer. Sit on my body, Walter dear, and lay your beautiful prick between the globes of my bosom; you shall spend there next time. I can't help telling you what a fine one it is, over and over again!"

She went on caressing it with her hand, and making her two bubbies close upon it, so that I could work between them. It was another delicious idea, but she had not exhausted all her ways of exciting me. Her other hand passed under my thigh, and I thought she was frigging herself, but it was only to wet her finger, preparatory to frigging my bottom-hole with it. This made me come again almost directly.

"Now," said she, "I mean to ride on you, and make it last as long as possible, so let us reverse positions."

This was done, and she rode me and stopped alternately for about twenty minutes, when we met in a glorious flow of sperm.

"What do you think of that?" she exclaimed, as soon as she recovered her breath. "We will get up and answer your uncle's letter now, and you shall promise to come again soon."

(To be continued.)

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MISS COOTE'S CONFESSION,

OR THE VOLUPTUOUS EXPERIENCES OF AN OLD MAID;

In a series of Letters to a Lady Friend.

LETTER V

My Dear Nellie,

I was nearly four years with Miss Flaybum before my education was considered to be complete. The last half-year had arrived, and you may be sure how I looked forward to my emancipation from the thralldom of Miss Herbert and her mistress; Lady Clara, Laura, and the Van Tromp had all left. Cecile now was my bosom friend, we had both grown our feathers as they were called, and I loved Mademoiselle Fosse so dearly that my guardians had arranged with her to live with me as a companion in future, as they intended making me a sufficient allowance to set up a genteel household of my own. Besides myself and Cecile there were at school no less than nine or ten big young ladies, who as well as Mademoiselle would leave for good when we broke up for the approaching Christmas holidays. Miss Flaybum seemed to be much annoyed at the prospect of losing quite a third of her pupils all at once; she became decidedly spiteful in her little tyranny, and in the punishments inflicted, seeming to take an especial delight in horsing the biggest girls; we were birched for the most trifling offences, often in threes and fours at a time; such doings could not fail to breed resentment in our breasts, and we all longed for some chance of revenge. I had become quite a leader in the school, and with the other girls often made what we called sacrifices to the rod, especially of the younger pupils, in our respective bedrooms, who dared not complain to Miss Flaybum for fear of worse happening to them.

The last few days were approaching, and in less than a week I hoped to take leave of old Edmonton for good, and not wishing to abandon the field without paying off old scores I had a consultation with Mdlle. and Cecile, as to the practicality of wreaking our revenge. The result was we engaged all the big girls who were leaving to help us, besides taking about a dozen more of the others into our confidence, who promised at least to remain neutral frightened spectators. Miss Flaybum in her careful wisdom had all the servants, except Maria, sleep in a distant part of the house, and a heavily barred door prevented all access for them to us at night.

Miss Flaybum also invariably gave the young ladies a breaking-up party the evening before they were to go home, so we determined to bribe Maria to forfeit her allegiance and aid in our treason; the plan being at the end of the evening's entertainment to seize upon Miss Flaybum, Miss Herbert, and Frau Bildaur, and well

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birch them all, especially the two former tyrants. We had no difficulty with Maria, who had recently drawn most of her wages. I promised her a handsome douceur and a place in my own establishment, which she gladly accepted, being as she said quite tired out with the Misses' tantrums.

She also agreed to provide everything necessary for our purpose, cords, and especially three of the penitential dresses to put on our victims.

The eventful evening arrived, the conspirators had agreed between themselves to irritate Miss Flaybum by making very free with her champagne, which upon such occasions was made a great display of, but very sparingly served out to the company. Maria, assisted by two other servants, was principal waitress, and at supper, by her connivance, nearly all of us took about three glasses of the sparkling gooseberry, instead of one, as usual on such occasions. Miss Flaybum opened her eyes in astonishment as she saw us indulging in a second glass, but when she saw us still further encroaching on her profuse hospitality she fairly exploded, "Miss Coote, Miss Deben, I'm astonished at you; how dare you, Mademoiselle, to encourage those young ladies in such intemperance," rising from her seat in rage, "why half of my pupils will get intoxicated; Maria, remove those bottles this instant, you must have lost your head."

Maria, who had watched the storm brewing, had, just the previous instant, succeeded in dismissing the other two servants and well bolting the door leading to the domestics' quarters, having, with good tact, provided them with a considerable amount of refreshment, to regale themselves withal.

Perceiving the field was all clear, I rose up, glass in hand, saying, with a bow of mock deference, "Wait a moment, Maria, we are not quite ready to dispense with the champagne. Miss Flaybum, Miss Herbert, and you young ladies (looking round the table), we shall, many of us, part to-morrow morning, never to return to this happy establishment, and I, for one, feel sure you will all join with me in drinking a real bumper to the health of our much respected and beloved schoolmistress."

Miss Flaybum gasped with agitation, but subsided into her chair, as if resigned to her fate, and apparently unable to help herself.

The young ladies all received the proposal with rapturous applause; glasses were filled without stint.

"Now, then," I exclaimed, stepping on to my chair and placing one foot on the table, "we must drink to the health of such an illustrious and amiable lady, with all honours, in the Scotch fashion, one foot on the table, and throw your glasses over your shoulders as you drain them to the bottom, in her honour. To the health of Miss Audrey Clementine Flaybum,

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For she's a jolly good fellow,
For she's a jolly good fellow.
For she's a jolly good fellow.
And so say all of us,
And so say all of us.
And so say all of us,
With a hip, hip, hurrah,
With a hip, hip, hurrah,
Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah."

(Crash of glasses)

My confederates joined and gave the health in regular chorus and, I must say, in rather a masculine manner.

"My God! My God!" screamed Miss Flaybum, as the glasses crashed on the floor, or wherever they fell, "the young ladies are all drunk; what shall I do, Miss Herbert, how awful, where did they learn all this pot-house slang?"

"What an insult!" I exclaimed. "Are we drunk, young ladies? Cecile, Mdlle. Fosse, will you stand still to be stigmatized as drunkards?" We all crowded round Miss Flaybum and the English and German governesses, the two former red with passion, whilst Frau Bildaur was trembling with fear.

"This is no laughing matter," I continued, "we have all been insulted. Miss Audrey Clementine Flaybum, our turn is come now, you shall be made to smart for this, and make a most abject apology for insulting a number of young ladies of the highest aristocracy, and you Miss Dido Herbert, shall be punished too because you evidently approved it all. I think we will begin upon Frau Bildaur, but I won't be hard upon her, as she is rather tenderhearted. Maria, do your duty, no retiring, strip them, and put the penitential garments on before us all here."

MISS FLAYBURN, now pale and trembling with rage and fear. "How dare you address me so; Maria, clear the room of these impudent young ladies, they are all flushed with wine."

Her appeals to Maria are all in vain; she first strips and robes Frau Bildaur; the poor creature, ready to faint with fear and shame, offers no resistance, but Miss Herbert is indignant, and resists strenuously, whilst Miss Flaybum is held down in her chair by half-a-dozen strong young ladies.

"Never mind about dressing that old frump," I exclaimed; "stretch her on the table, and turn up her clothes."

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Almost by magic the supper table is half cleared, all the debris of the entertainment being swept to the other end of the table. The struggling victim is powerless as soon as Maria with the assistance of Cecile and Mdlle. Fosse resolutely drag her to the table; she is stretched over the mahogany, and Mdlle., having turned up her clothes and pinned them well up, sits on her shoulders, to keep her down, whilst one or two others hold her arms. Cecile opens her drawers and exposes a rather thin bottom, saying, "She's not very plump, dear Rosa, but no doubt you can make her squeak."

ROSA. - "Tear off her drawers and fully expose her, I must pay off all scores at once."

This is speedily done, the victim appeals for mercy and exclaims against such indecency, but in vain; whilst Miss Flaybum looks on in speechless horror, gasping and sighing with indignation and the thoughts of what shameful indignities may be in store for herself.

ROSA. - giving a light swish on the exposed rump. "Have you got any feeling, Miss Dido Herbert? I hope this won't hurt you much, but you've been a spiteful old thing to us for a long time." Swish, swish, swish, harder and harder, till the devoted bum begins to get quite rosy. "Will you beg our pardon, and promise to be kinder to your pupils in future?" Giving a whack with all her force, which weals and almost draws the blood.

MISS HERBERT. - "Oh! Oh! We never punished like that! Oh! Shameful, Miss Coote!"

ROSA. - "How dare you, Miss Dido, tell me it's shameful, do you really mean what you say?" Slashing away in earnest, and soon making little drops of blood begin to ooze from the bruised weals.

MISS HERBERT, sobbing hysterically. - "Oh! Oh! I didn't mean to say that. Oh! Oh! Ah-r-r-re! Have mercy! My God! How cruelly you cut!"

ROSA. - "I thought you would come round, Miss Dido; pray, don't you admire my style of birching, don't you wish me to do it a little harder," keeping up a vigorous stroke all the time, and beginning to make quite a beautiful display of raw buttocks.

The victim shrieks with agony and cries for help.

ROSA. - "You may scream, it's delightful to hear it, and know you have some feeling. Will you beg our pardons now?"

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MISS HERBERT. - "Oh! Yes! Yes! I will, I will. Oh! Oh! pray stop, pray have mercy, I'll never be unkind any more!" sobbing hysterically, "Oh, dear! Oh, dear! I shall faint, I know I'm bleeding! Oh! dear Miss Coote, how can you be so cruel?"

ROSA. - "Do you think we're any of us intoxicated? Don't you think it was very improper and unladylike of Miss Flaybum to say what she did, and insult us so, just as we had done her a great honour; what do you think of it, Miss Dido?"

MISS HERBERT. - "Oh! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah-r-r-re! Oh! it was so wrong of her! Oh! I do apologize. Oh! let me go. Oh, Mercy!" as she writhes and twists in the most agonizing manner.

ROSA. - "You must thank me, and promise to retire quietly to your room when you are allowed to go, and profit by the lesson you have received; it is not half so bad as it might have been, there, there," giving her a couple of slashing undercuts between her thighs. "Kneel down and kiss the rod, and thank me."

MISS HERBERT. - "Ah! Ah! dreadful. Oh! I shall die! Oh! have pity," sobbing and moaning.

She is now released, and has to kneel and kiss the rod, and make most humble thanks, apologies, and promises, to the infinite delight of the audience, who thoroughly enjoy her humiliation as she kneels bathed in tears of pain and shame, and greet her with a storm of hisses as she slinks from the room crestfallen and smarting with her degradation.

ROSA. - "Now, Miss Audrey Clementine Flaybum, it's your turn; resist us, and you shall be punished ten times worse than that woman Herbert."

The schoolmistress is quite cowed by the previous scene. She implores for mercy, and begs them not to degrade her before the whole school, but Rosa and her accomplices are determined and relentless.

Maria gradually strips her mistress, who is a fine looking woman of the fat, fair and forty class, with quite prominent blue eyes and flaxen hair. The disrobing process displays in turn her fine neck and bosom, crimson with shame and heaving with agitation, whilst tears of bitter vexation course down her cheeks. Then she presently stands with only chemise and drawers, the latter so well filled out as to give promise of a splendid bottom within, and the ends beautifully trimmed with expensive lace, below which are seen a fine pair of plump legs, in flesh-coloured silk stockings, and high-heeled shoes, with jewelled buckles, but when the penitential-dress and mobcap are assumed, she looks quite a benevolent Mrs. Fry, grieving over some kind of human depravity.

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"There," said Rosa "she's wise not to resist. Let her stand and see Frau Bildaur receive her punishment, and I will rest too; you dear Cecile, take a new rod and punish her lightly."

It was a beautiful sight to see the chestnut-haired, plump, merry-looking Cecile as she whisked her birch against the trembling Frau, who was presently horsed on Maria's back, and, with drawers let down and skirts up, was soon ready for her punishment, displaying a very fine, full bottom on which to operate.

CECILIE. - "Frau Augusta Bildaur, I will only give you a dozen smart cuts, and let you go, when you kiss the rod, and thank me for chastising you."

Thus saying, she slowly counts the number of each blow, as she strikes her well-aimed, deliberate cuts, which quickly raise all the exposed surface to a warm, rosy tint, and leave a lot of very red marks.

The victim receives her punishment very firmly, with closed lips all the while, but when released is very profuse in her thanks, as she kisses the instrument of her flagellation. The timid look is gone, and instead of the tears, her eyes are lighted up with a warm sensual light, and she begs, in a whisper, to be allowed to witness Miss Flaybum's castigation.

ROSA. - "What a pity there is no proper whipping post to tie her up to: we must make shift with the table. Put Miss Flaybum up in the same way as you did Miss Herbert."

The victim does not resist, as she sees it is quite hopeless, and would only entail greater pain on herself. Her drawers are removed altogether, displaying to the curious girls a beautiful plump bottom and white belly, ornamented by a fine Mons Veneris, covered with a profusion of light curly hair, with the tip of a luscious looking clitoris just peeping out between the lips of her pussey. They spread-eagle her on the table, four girls holding her legs wide apart, whilst others secure her arms, and Mademoiselle again sits on the victim's back to make sure of her.

ROSA. - "What a fine sight; how delightful to have to subdue the spirit belonging to such a splendid figure. Miss Audrey Clementine Flaybum, you have been guilty of grossly insulting myself and other young ladies, and you must retract all your accusations of drunkenness, and I trust to thoroughly convince you of our sober earnestness. Do I whip you like a drunkard, or were you not rather intoxicated with passion when you said so?" whipping her slowly at first. "Did we use pot-house slang? I hope I don't hurt your poor delicate bottom, it begins to look rather flushed, but perhaps it's only blushing at our rudeness," warming to her work, and slashing away in good earnest.

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Miss Flaybum's face shows the depth of her indignation, whilst her fat, plump bottom writhes at every stroke, so that it is as much as the young ladies can do to hold her legs; she seems determined not to cry out, but Rosa increases her pain with such skillful and maliciously planted strokes, she is compelled at last to sigh for relief.

ROSA. laughing. - "Ha! Ha! Ha! she's obstinate and won't answer; she wishes me to cut harder; Maria, get another good heavy birch ready, this one won't last long. I begin to think Miss Audrey Clementine Flaybum is really drunk herself (roars of laughter), or she would have the sense to apologize, but I'll bring her to her sober senses. How do you like that, and that, and that," cutting each stroke as to go in well between the cheeks of her bottom, and touch the pouting lips of her pussey, which could be quite plainly seen behind; they were indeed painful cuts, and elicited a sudden sharp cry of pain.

MISS FLAYBURN. - "Ah! Ah! Oh! Oh! How cruel. What fiendish creatures to cut me up so!"

ROSA. laughing again. - "Ha! Ha! she's just beginning to get sober, a little more will thrash all the champagne out of her; drunken people always accuse others of being drunk," cutting up her bottom, and making the blood run in little streams, so that it soon began to run down her thighs, and drip from the hairs of her pussey; the flagellatrix and her friends are getting quite excited at the spectacle, but not the least in sympathy with the victim, whose sufferings seem to afford them exquisite voluptuous sensations, many of the elder girls being stretched on the floor together, or in other positions of sensual enjoyment.

The victim now screams indeed for "Mercy, Mercy! Oh! Oh! Have pity, Miss Coote. Oh! Oh! I shall faint, I shall die."

ROSA. in a state of furious excitement. - "No, no, no fear of your dying, your fat bottom will stand a good deal more yet; you are too obstinate to be let off, the birch will keep you from fainting. Why - why - why - don't you apologize?" giving a terrific undercut between the tender surface of her thighs at every question, making the poor schoolmistress gasp and moan in agony; still her proud spirit refused to do what was required of her.

She is almost fainting, when Rosa who is getting rather tired with her exertions, calls for a bottle of champagne. "Now, then girls," she exclaims, "she's so plucky we must drink her health again." In response to this call, half-a-dozen young ladies take a bottle each, and at a signal from Rosa all the corks are fairly discharged at the bleeding bottom, which presents a famous mark, and elicits peals of laughter at the joke, as they drink to "the plucky old girl," who is humiliated more than ever at this unexpected indignity.

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ROSA. refreshed, throws away the stump of the birch she has been using, and takes up another heavy swishtail.

"This is something like a rod. Will you, now, Miss Audrey Clementine Flaybum, beg our pardon, and own you were drunk yourself, or must I cut your fat rump in pieces? Aha! That's the vulgar word you would never allow your lips to mention. Perhaps you did not think you had such a thing as a rump yourself, when you used to birch and humiliate us." Whacking away with great earnestness all the while she is lecturing the victim, who screams and shouts in agony as the thundering strokes of the fresh heavy rod crash on her bottom, scratching and tearing the already bruised and bleeding skin in a frightful manner.

Miss Flaybum is almost done for, and really thinks she is going to die, and in an agony of fear and pain forgets the indignity of her position, as well as her firm resolves never to debase herself before her pupils. She screams for mercy.

"Mercy! Oh! Oh! Oh!" she sobs. "Let me go now, dear Miss Coote. Oh! I will beg your pardon. I must have been intoxicated myself. Oh! Forgive me, and I'll never say a word about this. Oh! Oh! Indeed I won't if you spare my life," sobbing in a low hysterical voice.

ROSA. - "And you will forgive us all, and thank us for making you sober again? Fie! Fie! MissFlayburn. You were indeed overcome. Was it not so?" giving a sharp cut right up under her pussey, to keep her from fainting, and steady to her promises.

VICTIM. - "Yes! Yes! Oh! Ah - r - r - re! I'm sorry to have forgotten myself, and - and - I do thank you for correcting me with firmness. Oh! Oh! Have mercy now, let me kneel and kiss the rod."

What a pitiable object she looked, kneeling in front of me, as she kissed the broken stump of the birch, which was now well dyed in her own blood. Such a sight of abject terror and degraded, humiliated pride, as well as the burning shame of all she had to endure; her cheeks were stained with tears, and her face and neck blushing nearly as red as her still exposed bottom; for, to humiliate her as much as possible, she had to kneel with her clothes still pinned up behind.

I don't know what possessed me, but I felt such extraordinary excitement that I hardly knew what I was doing; my only idea being that she was getting off too easily. So, suddenly stooping, I said, "Ha! Ha! Miss Audrey Clementine Flaybum, you know what a good birching is like now. I must look and see how I have pickled your delicate rump for you. I haven't cut it up too much," passing my hand all over the raw lacerated posteriors. "It will be well in a week, although there is a good deal

[14]

of blood. See, see," wiping my hand all over her face, to her intense shame and disgust, just as she was beginning to slightly recover herself.

This was the last indignity before we allowed her to retreat to her room.

As to ourselves, we were indeed intoxicated with success, so that I shall never forget the goings on of that last night at school, how the girls rushed about to each other's rooms, and revelled in every kind of lasciviousness one with another. Sleep was banished from our eyes, and nothing but the advent of breaking-up day put an end to our orgie of sensuality.

Miss Flaybum was not visible next day, and the only reference she ever made to our memorable scene of retributive justice was an enormous charge for damaged glass in my school bill.

This will end my letter for the present, but, dear Nellie, when I return from my tour, perhaps I can tell you a little more of my experiences.

Your affectionate friend.
Rosa Belinda Coote.

(To be continued.)

[15]

THE SPELL OF THE ROD.

When Lucy's fine rump was first bared to the twigs.

She was finely cut up and her flesh torn in shreds;
She cried out for mercy in her dire distress.
Promising amendment as we lowered her dress.
She had been most naughty, and a bad rude girl.
Who presumed the hair on her fanny to curl;
But the birch reached her quim as well as her bum.
The height of her agony was glorious fun.
Her frightened looks, and deep blushes of shame.
Set our hearts pit-a-pit, and our senses in flame;
The old cockolorums our cunnies would grope.
Then tossed us on sofas and had a fine stroke.
So all those slow coaches, who a rise scarce can get;
Come, pay your respect to Our Lady St. Bridget;
She'll warm up your blood till it boils in your veins,
And your penis all his pristine vigour regains.
Let the birch be your love, St. Bridget your saint,
Never flinch from the rod, nor think of a faint;
Swish - swish - let it fall, till the glow of desire.
Will run thro' your senses, and set them on fire.
Ah! then you can fuck! and fuck, ah! so well!
That my Muse quite fails your joys to foretell;
But with oceans of spending, the fuck never ending,
Your ecstasy goes on, for a long time extending.

THE STATE'S NEW DUTY.

An old Ballad upon the proposed Extension of the Contagious Diseases Acts to the Civil Population.

[The memorial to the Government for the extension of these Acts was signed by several Peers, six Bishops, ten Deans and Canons, forty-two Clergymen and Ministers, twenty-four Heads of Colleges and Masters of Public Schools, fourteen

[16]

Professors of different Universities, nineteen Mayors, ten Chairmen of Quarter Sessions and Boards of Guardians, twenty-nine Sheriffs and Magistrates, &c]

Vide letter of Messrs. J. B. Cuyenven and Berkely Hill to the Daily News, March 8th, 1871.

It was certain Holy Bishops, Noble Lords and bold M.P.'s.
Deans, Rectors, Heads of Colleges, and numberless M.D.'s
They met in solemn Council, to discuss in grave debate,
And solve a weighty question, they thought worthy of the State.

It was not Education, it was not Irish Church.
The Ballot and Permissive Bill, were both left in the lurch.
There may be other evils, but said they, the greatest evil is.
That a man can't have a woman, without the risk of Syphilis;

Said they, the state takes measures that tradesmen shall not cheat,
In selling meat, or fish, or fruit, that isn't fit to eat;
It supervises Mutton, and is down on faulty weight,
So to guarantee safe Harlots is the duty of the State.

(Now the women had no voice, or else they might have said.
"If you regulate the sale of Human flesh, like meat and bread
You should grant to us the tradesman's right, by action to recover
The wages of our labour against a bilking lover.")

So a noble Act was passed, the Preamble whereof ran,
"Whereas to fornicate is the right of every man.
"And whereas in exercise of that right are oft contracted
"Disagreeable reminiscences! Be it hereby enacted:

"That a special force of Peelers, henceforth each city pay.
"To apprehend all women, they suspect of being gay;
"Who if they don't disprove the charge before some worthy Beak.
"Shall by this Act, be Speculumed in batches, once a week;

"That in every Town a Surgeon, be appointed to the Post,
"With Speculums provided at the British Nation's Cost;
"And five hundred pounds per annum, to be quarterly paid down,
"To guarantee the soundness of the women of the Town."

Then happy were the Peelers of that sanctified Division,
That was specially deputed to this female supervision;
Thieves, Drunkards, and Garrotters, no longer were their care,
But they played the spy on women who were volatile and fair;

If they saw a flaunting Petticoat that showed too much of calf,
Or a naughty Girl, responding to an Ogle with a Laugh,
If she wouldn't let the Peeler have a cut in with the Swell,
Or tip from her earnings, the Justice not to tell,

[17]

Straightway the injured Peeler's virtuous conscience was relieved
By yielding to the Justice information he'd received;
And such unhappy damsels as a Peeler might select,
For reasons of his own, to be pronounced "suspect,"

Were all served with a Summons to disprove it to the Beak.
Or submit them to be Speculumed in batches once a week;
Then cried every youthful student, "That examining M.D.,
With £500 per annum, would be just the Post for me.

No wealthy wife with Coach and Pair, or Patients, would I seek
But I'd Speculum the ladies at £9 10s. per week!"
And thus began the era of Sexual legislation:
To man alone the State allows Free-trade in Fornication;

Diseased or sound - no matter - let him riot fancy free.
And gaily pox the ladies that the Peelers guarantee;
Is not Man the Nobler sex, for whom was Woman made?
And shall harassing Inspections his liberties invade?

For Man alone, the Bill of Rights, and Magna Charta passed;
And shall Free-born Fornicators be with dirty Harlots classed?
The sauce that suits the Goose, o'er the nobler Gander pour?
Or the State restrict the God-like Sex's privilege to whore?

Since clandestine harlots will in spite of Statutes lure.
In spite of all espionage to keep the men secure;
Methinks the Act is faulty, in not finding means to know
The Article that's warranted, from her that is not so.

A list should be placarded conspicuous to see,
Or some special Chignon ordered, for the Girls we guarantee.
And since on Prostitution 'tis resolved to legislate
(Like Cab fares and Pawnbroking, and the sale of bread by weight);

Methinks 'twere only logical to extend the Act's protection,
And not limit our paternal care to personal infection.
Why not advance another step, extortion to put down,
And regulate the charges of women of the town?

A Commission might be ordered, a scale of fees to draw,
Composed of the supporters of this Sanitary Law
(These Bishops, Deans and Doctors, who have found a new vocation
In preaching up the doctrine of the right of Fornication.)

How early that Commission could assemble every morn.
Taking evidence from Regent Street, the Argyle and Cremorne,
Making curious calculations, how to regulate aright
The charge for short engagements, and engagements for all night.

Meditating from the Cab rules, of suggestions the adoption.
A charge for work done, or by time, at the Engager's option.
For reference the Reverends their Bibles might turn over.
To see the charge of Tamar to her Israelitisch lover;

[18]

And ponder if the object of the Heaven-inspired Narrator
Was suggestions for the guidance of each future fornicator?
While all Schoolmasters - Bishops, who had on the subject brooded,
Could advise them whether birching should be extra or included.

[19]

LADY POKINGHAM, OR THEY ALL DO IT;

Giving an Account of her Luxurious Adventures, both before and after her Marriage with Lord Crim-Con

PART III.

(Continued.)

He hastily wrote the assignation on his tablets, and we made haste to return to the saloons from which we had been absent quite twenty minutes. A little while after, as I was sitting by the side of Alice, whispering my adventure in her ear, Lady Montairy, to whom I had previously been introduced, came and seated herself by my side. "Ah!" she said, with a sly look, "you're in a fair way to carry off the great prize; my sister Corisande will stand no chance."

"I've only danced one set with him," I replied, demurely.

"Ah!" she laughed, "it was not the Lancers I referred to, but your quiet stroll into the recesses of the conservatory. You had quite a lover's tete-a-tete."

"But we did not indulge in a Pas Sett!, as you did with His Grace," I laughed, enjoying her confusion.

She was speechless with surprise, her eyes fairly started with affright, and I hastened to reassure her, "I'm your friend, dear Lady Montairy, your secret is safe with me, and I hope you will not make any remarks in connection with myself and Lothair."

She squeezed my hand nervously, and asked, "Do you remember Fred's birthday? I was not there, but my brother Bertram was with his cousins the Vavasours, and passed as their brother Charlie, who happened to be too ill to go with them. I'm initiated into your society. We shall meet again," she added with a smile; "I must go now to keep my engagements."

The supper was a fairy feast, except for its substantial reality, and we returned home to Lady St. Jerome's charmed with everything, and especially with the fine prospect we seemed to have of future enjoyment.

Next day I made an excuse to go out alone to pay a visit to an old schoolfellow, and two o'clock found me sauntering through Burlington Arcade. Lothair was there to the minute, and gently whispered in my ear, as I was looking in a doll-shop.

[20]

"Now, this is really kind of Your Ladyship, and proves you can be depended on; I have made a most excellent arrangement, we have only to step across the road to the Bristol Hotel in Burlington Gardens, where I have ordered luncheon for myself and cousin, in a private apartment, and they know me too well to pry into my affairs."

The chamber-maid attended me in the bedroom, and as soon as I had laid aside my cloak, hat, &c, I rejoined Lothar in the adjoining apartment, where a sumptuous luncheon was set out.

Lothair, whose shyness of the previous evening seemed considerably dispelled, most gallantly insisted upon my partaking of refreshment, before a word of my communication should be uttered. "Besides," he said, "a little champagne will give you courage, if it is at all disagreeable; the scene last night was such a shock to both of us that if you now prefer to be silent I won't press you about what you mentioned in the excitement of such a moment."

His conversation was very lively all through the repast, and when we had nearly finished I asked him to ring for a little milk, which was brought to me; he was at the moment abstractedly examining the debris of a pate de foie gras. I poured part of the milk into two champagne glasses, and slyly added about ten drops of tincture of cantharides, with which Alice had provided me, to his portion. "Now, my Lord," I said, "I challenge you to pledge me in a glass of my favourite beverage, champagne and milk, I think it is delicious," pouring out the fizzing wine, and handing him the glass, which I first touched with my lips.

His eyes sparkled with delight as he drained it to the bottom, and flung the empty glass over his shoulder, exclaiming, "No one shall ever put their lips to that again, it was indeed a challenge, Lady Beatrice, after which nothing but the reality will satisfy me," then rising, he persisted in claiming the kiss I had, as he alleged, challenged him to take.

"Now," he continued, drawing me to a sofa, "let us sit down and hear the awful communication you hinted at; who were those wretched men?"

"Monsignore Berwick and Father Coleman," I replied; "did you ever hear of a secret sisterhood of St. Bridget, the nuns belonging to which devote both soul and person to the service of the Church?"

"No, never, go on," said Lothair, so I continued: "These nuns are all aristocratic ladies, who devote themselves, as I said, implicitly to the interests of Holy Mother Church, to satisfy and appease the lusts of her priests, as well as marry any influential man they think they can lead by the silken tie of matrimony; such, my Lord, are Lady St. Jerome and Miss Arundel."

[21]

"Incredible," exclaimed Lothair, "but I cannot doubt your word, dear Beatrice - permit me to call you," his eyes looking amorously at me, and evidently already slightly moved by the exciting dose I had given him. I took his hand in mine, it was feverishly warm, then looking him full in the face: "My dear Lord, I would not have been here if for one moment I had thought you could doubt my word."

"Call me Lothair, darling, throw away all awkward reserve," he said, putting his arm around my waist, and giving another kiss on my cheek, "go on; tell me all about those fiendish priests who have been plotting to ensnare me."

"Take my advice, Lothair," I went on, "you will find Miss Clare quite changed, her demure and reserved aspect turned to alluring and captivating glances; the Cardinal's orders are positive that she is not to spare even her honour if necessary, but that is an article I saw her surrender to the confessor." Then I described to him the scene we had witnessed in the chapel, which, added to the effects of the tincture, seemed quite to work him up to a state of amorous excitement.

"Honour! Honour!" he exclaimed, excitedly. "Alas! dear Beatrice, last night I felt able to lose life rather than that, and now it's gone, fled like a shadow, but what is it after all, but a mean, mistrustful shame; you must be mine, I can't restrain the fire of love which is consuming me; the very sin makes the idea more delicious." My faint efforts were useless, he was a fine strong young fellow; in an instant I was thrown backwards on the sofa, and his hands took possession of my longing cunny; the furor of lust was upon him, but I made a fair show of resistance, and seemed only to yield to force, shutting my eyes as if afraid to see how he was exposing himself.

He roughly forced my thighs apart, and throwing himself upon me, I could feel the hot soft head of his cock forcing its way between the lips of my vagina. I struggled and contracted myself as much as possible, and having previously well bathed the parts in a strong solution of alum and water, he experienced as great tightness and difficulty in penetration as if I had really been a virgin. My subdued cries of pain were real, for his big affair hurt me very much, but he gradually won his way, which was at the last moment facilitated by a copious spend.

"Ah! Darling; how delightful," he cried, as he lay with his weapon up to the hilt, throbbing and enjoying the lascivious contractions to which I now treated him.

His lips were fixed to mine; the soft velvety tip of his tongue was a titbit I could not refuse, and I sucked it till I almost choked for want of breath. He spent again under the stimulating emotions with which I inspired him. He lay still for a few moments as we recovered our breath, then, with an upward motion of my buttocks, I challenged him to go on.

[22]

It was a most erotically voluptuous love engagement. I could not exhaust him; he was continually shooting his love juice into my very insatiable womb, and it was more than an hour before either of us would consent to a cessation of the game.

All that time we had been as closely joined together as the Siamese twins, only one heart and one soul seemed to animate us, whilst we were constantly returning the flow of sperm one after the other in the most thrilling manner.

After we had washed and refreshed ourselves, he begged my forgiveness for his impulsiveness, and promised to make me his wife, but I recalled to him his words of the previous evening: "That it was better for a man never to marry," and that for my part I thought that such sweet liaisons could never be enjoyed by "married people."

"Ha! Ha!" I laughed. "You have the two nuns of St. Bridget to enjoy. Be advised by me, and seem to fall into their traps. I will introduce you to another secret society which you have little idea of. It is devoted to the pleasure of love, without being under the control of a lustful priesthood. You shall meet me again this day week and tell me how you get on."

He parted from me very lovingly; and on my return to St. James' Square, I found that Lady Montairy had brought an invitation from the Duchess for us to spend a few days at Crecy House before our return to the country.

"How delightful," said Alice. "The Duke has gone to Paris on business, and the Duchess is often indisposed; we shall find ourselves in Paphian bowers."

Lothair dined with us that evening, but neither of us betrayed, by word or look, the new link between us.

Miss Arundel was attractive, and even alluring, in her manner towards him. Her face was all smiles as she addressed him in tones of sympathy, even of tenderness. Bewitching enough to turn the head of any less susceptible (even than Lothair) to the influence of the softer sex. She looked divine, dressed in a wondrous white robe, garlanded with violets just arrived from Paris; on her head a violet wreath, deep and radiant as her eyes, and which admirably contrasted with her dark golden brown hair.

I could see he was fascinated. He asked us an to drive down to Richmond and dine with him the next day, but Alice declined for me and herself, alleging as a reason the short time we had to stay in town, and that we should at once have to avail ourselves of the Duchess's invitation, and with Lady Jerome's permission would remove to Crecy House early in the morning.

I could see this plan afforded them infinite satisfaction. So next day saw us welcomed at Crecy House by Lady Bertha St. Aldegonde on behalf of the Duchess,

[23]

who was confined to her room. Lady Montairy conducted us to our apartments, and dismissing the attendants as soon as possible, she embraced me first, and then Alice, saying: "How nice of you two dears to come so soon. You're just in time for a most important ceremony. To-morrow Mama thinks we are all going to the Academy, but in reality it is quite a different place. The fact is, Corisande is going to be received as a member of the Paphian Circle, as we call the society which you helped to originate. St. Aldegonde, indifferent and 'ne'er do well' as he seems, is the life and soul of it; Bertha indulges him in everything. Jealousy is unknown in our family. You win meet Bertram, Carisbrooke, and Brecon all there. We only want Lothair to make it perfection, as Corisande means to taste and try which she likes best."

ALICE. - "But surely we're not obliged to wait till to-morrow. Can't you, Victoria, give us a little party in your room to-night?"

"Yes," she answered. "But only a hen party; ourselves and Corisande. My room is the next to yours. The gentlemen will be at the clubs. St. Aldegonde never will have a woman at night, and says the morning is the proper time, because his cock always stands best on an empty stomach before breakfast."

(To be continued.)

[24]

A BLACK JOSEPH.

[The Trial of Mrs. Inglefield, wife of J. R. Nicholson Inglefield, Esq., Captain of Her Majesty's Ship Scipio, for Adultery with John Webb, a black servant, in the Consistory Court, 1786.]

John Webb - a second Joseph - a black footman to Captain Inglefield, was the only material evidence against the lady. Previous to his deposition he had lived with the parties two years, mostly at Singlewell, a small village near Graves-end. When he first went there, the family consisted of three small children, all girls; in two or three months afterwards his mistress was delivered of a boy.

From the first moment of his being engaged he thought she took more notice of him than became her. She frequently smiled on him and took hold of his hand, and gently pressed it. About a month after her accouchement, happening to be alone with his lady, she put her hand about his neck, and kissed him. Upon the black drawing off, she laughed at him.

The next day after this occurrence, as he was dressing her hair, she put her hand under his apron, and unbuttoned one of the flaps of his breeches, and began handling and playing with his privities, but the witness, not liking this, declared he would not finish her hair if she did not let him alone. The lady, therefore, was again obliged to laugh it off.

The next day after this, in the forenoon, being summoned by the sound of the chamber bell, he went into the room, where he found his mistress alone, sitting on the foot of the bed. Mungo - according to his own account - avoided going near her as much as possible, but at length she caught him by the skirt of his coat, placed him on her lap, and handled his privities on the outside of his breeches, at the same time asking him - "Can you do anything? Do not be afraid; your master will know nothing about it." All this, however, made no impression on the generative powers of our African hero. He was a eunuch in spirit, though not in parts, and he tore himself away, but whether at this period he left his mistress laughing or crying does not appear.

The succeeding day, however, Mrs. I. renewed the glorious strife; while under the operation of hair-dressing, she once more applied her delicate hand to the rude parts of Master Comb, and was proceeding to unbutton when he drew himself off, leaving his mistress laughing out an intimation that she should leave her bedroom door open that night, and that he must come.

Master Webb, failing to improve the hint, was the next day met in an angry mood by his enraged mistress, who now spoke very harshly to him.

[25]

During these attempts it seems the Captain was from home, which was the time, he says, when his mistress tormented him the most. But what affected him more than all was that one day she absolutely kissed him before her daughter, a child of about four years old.

Towards the end of the summer the Captain and his lady resided on board the Scipio, then laying at Scheerness, for about a month, and one morning about 10 o'clock, when they had been there a fortnight, the Captain being gone on shore, his mistress called him into the after-cabin of the ship, and told him to empty a basin of water, which, when he had done, she shut the cabin door, took him round the waist with both her arms, kissed him and then, as a matter of course, handled him about his privities on the outside, he preventing her from unbuttoning.

All these warm attacks our youthful Negro of nineteen manfully withstood, and after some struggling he liberated his sweet desirable person from the fangs of his mistress, but passing from the room he was observed by Charles McCarthy, the steward of the ship, who questioned him as to what he had been doing, to which he replied "nothing."

Two or three days after this aquatic adventure, he was questioned by his master as to all the previous particulars, when, like a faithful servant, he told him all that he knew. In consequence of which Captain Inglefield from that time ceased to cohabit with his wife. The concluding declaration of Webb is: "That he and his mistress, notwithstanding the critical situations in which he was placed, never had once the carnal use and knowledge of each other's bodies."

McCarthy, the Steward, corroborated the cabin incident, but in the end the Judge declared there was no proof of the lady's guilt, and ordered Captain Inglefield to take his wife home and treat her with matrimonial affection, and to certify his having so done by the first session of the next term.

INTO THE BARGAIN.

Two lads were out on Hertford Heath
And being flush of money.
Offered two shillings to a wench,
To let them view her cunny.

They viewed it with extreme delight,
Stark naked and provoking;

[26]

They paid their shillings for the sight,
The touching and the stroking.

"Now," said the cunning little slut,
"Just add a sixpence each;
And you shall see my very scut!
I'll let you see my breech."

"What fun!" exclaim the simple boys,
So they the shilling paid;
Then pulling up her smock behind,
Her bottom she displayed.

And so they peeped, and felt their fill;
Then cried the giggling lass,
"Your bargain shall be better still;
Say 'Please,' and kiss my arse!"

ORIGIN OF COPULATION.

Success to dame Nature, for 'twas by her plan,
That woman first thought of enjoyment from man;
She knew that of pleasure they'd never be sick,
And so out of kindness, invented a prick!

A stiff-standing, glorious prick!
Voluptuous, rubicund prick!
Oh, surely, of fortune it came in the nick,
Good-natured dame Nature to give us a prick!

Without it how lost would a poor maiden be,
It tickles her quim, makes her water run free;
Most women a handle would have to their front,
So they've only to thrust a long prick in their cunt!

Their hairy, voluptuous cunt!
Their sweet little, queer little cunt!
What damsel no handle would have to their front?
And prick e'er has been a great friend unto cunt!

[27]

When nature to woman gave two mouths, she will'd,
Of course, that they both should be equally filled,
And if women will look after one mouth, you know
That prick will look after the mouth that's below!

Stiff-standing, glorious prick!
Voluptuous, rubicund prick!
Oh, surely, of fortune it came in the nick,
Good-natured dame Nature to give us a prick!

When sorrow torments lovely woman, oh dear.
A mighty good fucking will banish despair;
If her belly but aches, why we all know the trick,
There's nothing can ease it so well as a prick!

A nice luscious prick!
A stiff-standing prick!
For any young maiden it can do the trick.
Oh, joys there are plenty, but nothing like prick!

TAKING A MAIDENHEAD.

Air - "Gee, ho Dobbin."

Oh, Maidenhead-taking's a very great bore,
It makes cunt and prick so confoundedly sore;
But fucking the third time's like heaven above.
For your prick then glides in as you draw on a glove!

Gee up, Roger.
Wag up, Roger,
Roger's a thing that all women admire!

Oh, give me a damsel of blooming fifteen,
With two luscious thighs and a mouse-trap between,
With the fringe on the edge, and two red lips I say.
In her cunt I'd be diving by night and by day!

Gee up, &c.

That woman would be a disgrace to our land,
Who would not take a prick, when it stiffy does stand;
And when it droops low as if it were in dread,
She must tickle the balls, till it lifts up its head!

Gee up, &c.

[28]

Cunt is a treasure which monarchs admire,
Cunt is a thing that my theme doth inspire;
Cunt is a mighty temptation to sin,
But cunt is a hole that I'd ever be in!

Gee up, &c.

Prick is its friend, its first cousin, I ween,
Tho' prick I confess is a rare go-between;
Prick to a woman much joy can impart,
And prick is a thing that she loves in her heart!

Gee up, &c.

Then here's to the female who yields to a man,
And here's to the man who'll fuck when he can,
For fucking creates all our joy on earth,
And from fucking you know, we all date our birth.

Gee up, Roger,
Wag up, Roger,
Roger's a thing that all women admire.

EPITAPH.

Here lies the amorous Fanny Hicks,
The scabbard of ten thousand pricks,
And if you wish to do her honour,
Pull out your cock, and piss upon her.

[29]

THE TRIUMPH OF SCIENCE OVER PHYSIC.

Home they brought the warrior, fed
To repletion more than just;
And the servants, chuckling, said.
"He must shit or he will bust."

Then they gave him castor oil.
Pills and drugs of many a sort;
Yet despite their loving toil,
He would not be taken short.

Stole a maiden to the spot.
And emetics, laughing, dared;
Yet in vain she held the pot,
For he only belched and glared.

Came a nurse of ninety years.
An enema huge she bore;
Shoved it up amidst their jeers,
And he shat for evermore.

SONG.

If anxious Venus, beauty's queen!
Your empire should endure.
Borrow Cecilia's face and mien,
Our homage to ensure.

Though perfect all the charms may seem,
That famed Apelles drew.
Not half so sweet are they, I deem.
As fair Cecilia's Cu.

The feelings of my faithful heart
My mouth shall still express,
Upon that Cu-, delicious part.
In rapture's wild caress.

Oh! ye, who ne'er disquiet felt,
Nor aught but virtue knew.

[30]

Whence is it? But your eye ne'er dwelt
Upon Cecilia's Cu.

Cecilia, think not, from my brain,
The souvenir can remove,
Of thy sweet Cu, 'twill there remain,
Imprinted fast by Love!

But if my thread of life should break,
Expire thy lover true.
May I flight 'mid kisses take,
Imprinted on thy Cu!

GONE TO CA-CA.

Tom brought home some friends,
And not finding his dear,
But only young Harry,
Who look'd rather queer.

(Papa) Hush, Harry! What nonsense!
Run, call your Mama!
(Boy) Mama and de Captain
Are gone to Ca-Ca.

(Papa) Hush, Harry! What nonsense!
Just hear the child talk!
(Boy) Captain pull down his breeches,
Ma pull up her frock!

THE PATIENCE OF JOB.

A farmer and his wife, who had been to church one Sunday morning, were walking home through a country lane, when John said, "Excuse me, my dear, for a minute or two, I want to get over the hedge to do something for myself." After rather a long interval his loving wife, who had walked on a little, returned to look for him, and could hear her good man on the other side of the hedge, blasting, swearing,

[31]

and damning at an awful rate. She managed to get over to him, and then seeing him stooping down as if troubled by a very hard motion, exclaimed, "John! John! how can you swear so, don't you remember what the parson said about the patience of Job?"

"Blast that damned Job," exclaimed the furious John, "he never had his balls caught in a rabbit trap! Why don't you make haste to help me?"

The poor fellow stooping down to ease himself, had really been caught, and his wife had to release him and help him home.

LATEST SPORTING NEWS.

RESULT OF THE WHORING HANDICAP.
Syphilis... 1 Chancre ... 2 Bubo ... 3

Immediately the flag dropped Gonorrhea began making the running for Injection (a brown colt out of Syringe). Coming round the Chordee Bend, Poultice showed well to the front, but when once in the Straight was soon left behind.

They passed the Grand Stand in the following order: Syphilis first, Chancre second, Bubo third, and Suppuration a bad fourth, closely followed by Unction. Black Wash, Lint, and Copaiba. Testicle pulled up much distressed, Capsules bolted. Doctor's Bill (extra weight) came in last.

The Sporting Prophets say that if French Letter had not been scratched she would have altered the result of the race.

[32]

NURSERY RHYMES.

There was a young man of Berlin.
Whome disease had despoiled of his skin;
But he said with much pride.
"Though deprived of my hide,
I can still enjoy a put in."

There was a young woman of Cheadle,
Who once gave the clap to a beadle.
Said she, "Does it itch?"
"It does, you damned bitch,
And burns like hell-fire when I peedle."

There was an old Chinaman drunk,
Who went for a sail in his junk,
He was dreaming of Venus,
And tickling his penis,
Till he floated away in the spunk.

There was a young man of Rangoon,
Who farted and filled a balloon.
The balloon went so high,
That it stuck in the sky,
And stank out the Man in the Moon.

There was a young man at the Cape,
On a maiden committed a rape.
Said she, "You damned shit,
You can't fuck a bit,
And you're knocking my quim out of shape."

There was a young parson of Harwich,
Tried to grind his betrothed in a carriage.
She said "No, you young goose,
Just try self-abuse,
And the other we'll try after marriage."

There was a young man of St. Paul's,
Possessed the most useless of balls.
Till at last, at the Strand,
He managed a stand,
And tossed himself off in the stalls.

[33]

There was a young lady of Treadle,
Who sat down in Church on a needle.
The needle, not blunt.
Penetrated her cunt,
But was promptly removed by the beadle.

There was a young girl of Newcastle,
Whose charms were declared universal.
While one man in front
Wired into her cunt,
Another was engaged at her arsehole.

There was a young parson of Goring.
Who made a small hole in the flooring;
He lined it all round,
Then laid on the ground,
And declared it was cheaper than whoring.

When Mrs. Conwell was in this country, she showed me a copy she had made of a large picture of a Turkish soldier on horseback. She had made the horse's testicles very conspicuous, and then shamming ignorance, pointed at them, saying, "That is the rider's foot on the other side." "Yes," said I, with a low bow, "very like a foot!" This made her giggle.