A Beginners Guide to Erotic Spanking


The erotic book '50 Shades of Gray' has a lot to answer for, mostly in a the positive sense. In truth, the book is a badly written story, with idealised characters in a unrealistically perfect world, but what it has done is to unlock, or expose, long-suppressed desires in tens of thousands of modern women, of all ages.

When people have 'strange' fantasies, they tend to shy away from them because to indulge the fantasy would make them 'sick' or 'perverted'. But seeing their secrets written down in book form makes these things alright, posssible, and maybe even slightly enjoyable?

This page is intended to help all those '50 Shades of Gray' readers whose curiosity has been stirred, and anyone else who has an interest (for whatever reason) in spanking for erotic pleasure.

I will begin with a slight clarification and apology. I am male and the people I prefer to spank are female, consequently I tend to write to this format. It is just as possible for the genders to be reversed because guys like to be spanked too, and equally these thoughts apply to same-gender pairings too. It would be tedious to attempt to apply all possible variations every time I mention a gender, so please just translate gender to suit your own circumstances.

How can spanking be erotic?

Surely there must be a mistake? We all grow up (or at least, we used to!) with the notion that 'a spanking' is a punishment for real transgressions. It hurts, and it is intended to teach us a lesson so that we do not break that rule again. And when applied correctly, for the right reasons, within a loving and caring family, it can be very effective. Yes, 'punishment spanking' hurts and is unpleasant.

Spanking, in its simplest form, is the slapping of an open palm against the buttocks. Mothers naturally do it to infants to comfort them! It doesn't have to hurt. In fact, when carried out with an agreeable partner (that part is cucial and I will return to this aspect later), and in the right way, it is extremely sexy! Don't believe me? Here is the science to back me up:

The physical effects of spanking

1 - The bottom is a prime erogenous zone; however, unlike other zones such as the breasts and back of the neck, the sexual arousal nerves in the bottom are buried in a layer of fat and require harder stimulation, like firm manipulation or spanking, to trigger them.

2 - The physiological process of sexual arousal demands that before orgasm can occur, blood must be collected and kept in the genitals and nearby areas. Spanking creates just such a physiological response, as the stinging of the skin causes blood to rush in to the bottom, thus accomplishing 'mechanically' what caresses and kisses do psychologically.

3 - A properly positioned spanking, such as over the knee or bending over pillows or some other comfortable support, causes pressure to be applied to a woman's mons veneris. Sensually spanking her bottom causes pulses of pressure against her mons, and even makes her squirm from the sting, simultaneously resulting in her rubbing her clitoris on the supporting knee, pillow, etc.

4 - A body's natural physioloigical response to 'attack' is for nearby nerves to trigger adrenolin production. As the adreniline reaches the brain, seretonin production increases to give a sense of euphoria. Yes, being spanked makes you 'high'.

The cerebral effects of erotic spanking

For a woman, the turn-on is not so much in the physical sensation as it is in the feeling of helpless submission and vulnerability of being bent over her partner's lap, the attention being paid to her bottom (a primary erotic zone), the feeling of a man's hand warming her buttocks, and the anticipation of sexual pleasures to come.

For a man, the arousing aspect of spanking is the feeling of control and power over his helpless lover, and the excitement of playing with her attractive bottom, turning it pink and putting her in the mood for some hot, passionate sex.

The feeling of 'surrender' or 'submission' is an important part of a woman's sexual response, as many women need to give up control and give themselves 'permission' to feel sexual. Spanking incites and reinforces such feelings. However, a woman must feel safe before she can give up control and surrender. Therefore, you must earn her trust before attempting the game of erotic spanking. You must equate the spanking with sexual pleasure, eschewing any anger, sado-masochistic impulses or desire to hurt or humiliate her.

The tacit understanding should be that spanking is a form of foreplay, and that orgasm is the goal of both players. Therefore, the actual spanks should be mixed with caresses and gentle rubbing of her bottom and genitalia, and other foreplay the position makes possible.

Sexual Spanking

To use spanking in your sexual repertoire, it is sometimes good to do a little role playing. You can play the stern guardian or headmaster punishing the naughty schoolgirl, or the offended husband or lover pretending to punish his wife or girlfriend for some imaginary transgression. Be cautious here, some women baulk at the idea of role-play as it can make the whole event too 'real', and therefore 'scary'. Introduce roleplay carefully, and possibly leave it until after your first few successful forays into erotic spanking, and avoid making it 'too real' to begin with. There are hundreds of roles that can be used as an 'excuse' to give your lover a sexy over-the-knee (OTK) spanking, but whatever role you choose to play, here are some tips to make it especially sexy:

1 - Give her a specific 'punishment' time and make her wait for it

The anticipation will add to her sexual arousal and increase her receptivity. You can accentuate this by making her wear ben wa balls or play with herself at regular intervals while waiting for her spanking. Of course, you will want to ensure that she obeys your instructions, and that she knows her spanking will be harder if she disobeys.

2 - Order her to 'prepare herself' for her spanking

This could mean taking a bath and making herself sexy and beautiful, or dressing in a particular way (e.g. in a schoolgirl outfit, or in particular lingerie or another sexy costume). Tell her that the length of her spanking will depend on how beautiful you find her at the appointed time. These acts of preparing herself will have a direct effect on her state of arousal, as it will make her think about it constantly.

3 - Take your time to inspect her appearance when she presents herself for her spanking

(Careful here - keep it light-hearted!!) Comment on every aspect that might add to her punishment or subtract from it, and let your eyes and hands inspect every inch of her body. The intense scrutiny you are giving her will intensify her excitement.

4 - Before beginning the spanking, make her perform a ritual

This could be kneeling in front of you and begging forgiveness for the imaginary transgression. Always agree that she will be forgiven after her "punishment," as you don't want to humiliate her. You should act as if you are only spanking her "for her own good," and you might even tell her about how you intend to ravish her if she is a "good girl" during her spanking.

5- Set the scene

Just as for 'ordinary' sexy nights in, dress the room with candles, a warm open fire is brilliant, a glass of wine (don't ever over-do the alcolhol, you need to be firmly in command of your senses), and comfortable furnishings.

Erotic Spanking Technique

Much more information on how to spank your woman is available elsewhere on this site, but here are a few specific tips:

1 - Either if you want to be spanked and need to pursuade your partner, or have talked your partner into giving it a try, the key point is to keep it all as close to normal as possible. 'I want to be hit', or 'I want to hit you' are quite extreme things to say and so the introduction of spanking needs to be minimised as much as possible.

2 - Start with a sexy snuggle in bed, or on the sofa, and squirm yourself into position across his knee. Or, with plenty of cuddles, maybe some sexy tickles, and loads of reassurance, lay her carefully across your lap.

3 - Take your time! You have all evening in front of you. Apply a few gentle pats, followed by lots of bottom stroking. Keep talking, asking that she is still feeling OK, and would she like a few more smacks just like the last ones. Tune in to her body language and if you sense her beginning to resist, ease off.

4 - As the spanker, keep it fun, keep it mild, and keep the spanking sexy with plenty of sensual caressing, gentle squeezing and fondling.

5 - Constant communication is vital to encourage your partner to continue, and assure them that you welcome all the attention. As the spanker, keep talking, tell her how sexy she looks, tell her how much you are enjoying spanking her, and reassure her that you are happy to continue at the same level.


unanimous, in agreement, uncontested, harmonious, accepted, accordant, agreed, assenting, consenting.

I cannot stress this point strongly enough. With a degree of luck, maybe some gentle pursuasion, and a partner who is sufficiently open-minded to give something different a try, then you stand a good chance of acheiving an erotic spanking session.

Following the publicity that '50 Shades of Gray' has generated, a bit of kinkiness is much more widely accepted these days. And being so well known, that book can form a topic for discussion to lead in to your sensual spanking desires quite easily. If nothing else, buy a copy and leave it lying around, it will come up in conversation sooner or later.

But without that agreement, you are guilty of abuse, both morally and legally.