A Beginner's Guide to
Spanking a Woman
I decided to write a little bit about what I know of spanking women. While it is clear which way my preferences lie, I would expect the advice to work in pretty much the same way for a woman spanking her guy. And while I am adding caveats, please note that my thoughts are exactly that, and are not meant to form part of a rulebook!
A great many people carry an unsatisfied desire around with them, to spank and be spanked . For some it is destined to remain so, but for a fortunate few they have a partner who is prepared to be experimental for the sake of their partner. The hardest part is in finding a way to approach the topic of spanking in the first place. Get it wrong and you may spoil your chances for good.
In recent years a feature film 'Secretary', starring James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal won the Golden Rose of Montreaux. Officially it is billed as a dominant/submissive-themed romantic comedy-drama, and charts the progress of a young woman who discovers a need to be spanked by her boss. It covers the ground upon which we must tread when we attempt to enlist our S.O. into our fantasies. The film could form an excellent foundation stone for starting a conversation that could follow the "actually, I might quite like to try that with you" route.
To the ill-informed, erotic spanking exists is the same box as 'hitting' and 'violence', but in truth they are as far apart as it is possible to get. It is vital to segregate these emotive thoughts in the mind of your partner. And while we are at it, spanking is not about 'pain' either. Not that an amount of discomfort isn't involved, but it is a very specific form that is best described as 'sting'. And, especially in the early, experimental stages, we are aiming to achieve a gentle warm throbbing 'glow' that is not unpleasant for anyone, be they kinky or not.
I believe this 'hitting' stumbling block is more of an obstacle for a man (the spanker) to overcome than a woman (prospective spankee). Men are taught from a very early age that 'hitting girls' is bad (because they are weaker and unable to defend themselves. Phah!), and when something has become so ingrained it takes a mammoth effort to shift it. Many men have past experience, possibly from childhood, of abusive relationships and for them the spanking hurdle may be impossible to overcome. And while a woman may hesitate before submitting herself 'to be hit', gentle coaxing, a proper explanation, and mountains of trust and reassurance should be enough to get her across your lap for 'a trial run'.
What of a woman who feels the urge to spank her man (and what woman doesn't!). I think the greatest obstacle here is somewhat different. A man is far less likely to be fearful of a weedy woman hurting him ~ducks~. No, he is going to have to swallow a gallon or two of male pride and ego before he will willingly subjugate himself! But you girls know how to get around your man, so enough said.
Our man who wants his partner to spank him has a more difficult task. I don't care what the trendies say, most women like to 'look up to' their man, even if they would never admit it. There may be an element of 'but what if I hurt you?', but here she will want to know that you plan on remaining the same person, it is just that you would like to be able to submit to her every now and again. And of course you have your own machismo getting in the way, fretting that she will lose respect for you if you confess your inner needs. She may! But I prefer to believe that most women are well able to accommodate the little foibles of their men, without thinking any less of them.
So here we are then, she has agreed to 'give it a go'. DO NOT BLOW IT! Or else this will be the only opportunity you ever get, and it will be very short. By far the best position for this exploration is to have her lay across your lap on the sofa (or bed). It is comfortable, warm and snug, and she will feel reassured by your closeness. In fact, the unusual contact of intimate body parts will most likely be a turn-on for her (and you!), although her anxiety may mask this sensation. It will be less traumatic for her if she remains fully clothed, a tight pair of jeans will do nicely.
Do not spank her! She will probably be laying rigidly across you, fearing the worst. Caress her, a little back massage, stroke and massage her bum and upper thighs. Girls like that. Talk to her, tell her how good it feels for you, tell her how sexy she looks in that position. Compliment her bottom! It is absolutely essential that she feels able to relax, and this in turn will open the door to a more receptive frame of mind. Keep the atmosphere light and jovial, and as a last resort, a good tickle might help to bring some fun into the proceedings.
She can't see what you are up to behind her, and this will make her nervous. Keep talking, let her know your immediate thoughts, tell her what you are doing and are going to do. No sudden surprises. In due course you will feel her body relax onto you as that nervous tension subsides. If at any point you sense resistance, it is far better to back out at this point than to carry on regardless. If nothing bad happened to her, she will most likely give it another go, at another time.
Throughout this stage, you should be getting yourself tuned in to her every squirm. When focussed, it is quite amazing that a back and bottom can say so much, they speak volumes! Pay attention, you need to know and understand her body's language. Sooner or later, if she doesn't say the words, her bottom will – "go on then, spank me". You will know what I mean when you see her bum do it.
OK, so here goes. This is what you have been patiently waiting for all your life. But do not expect her to welcome hard stinging slaps! Begin with nothing more than love pats, interspersed with soft caresses. Watch her bottom. If she likes what you are doing, it will squirm sensuously. If she has confidence in you, it may well thrust up towards you, welcoming a slightly firmer hand. Apply your spanks gradually a little more firmly, sensing her reactions all the while. Every hal-dozen or so smacks, pause and soothe away the sting, she will appreciate the opportunity to take some breaths and relax again. As the stinging begins to build to the point that it is becoming unwelcome, you may see her bottom swerve away from you, or try to retract into itself, pay attention!
Do not go too far! If the first experience is at least 'not unpleasant' (and hopefully enjoyable), then a repeat performance should be on the cards. Each time you 'play the spanking game' she will become more confident in you, and more accepting of the sensations produced. In time you will be able to slowly build on the severity, but never, ever, go too far, as this will likely spell the end, permanently.
And keep talking!