Safe Spanking - for the thin skinned
(and general spanking & BDSM safety advice)
by Celeste
Unfortunately, some of us have to accept that our skin can not be relied upon as a renewable resource. There may be long-lasting marks and even, an outside possibility, serious medical consequences.[1]
I write from experience. I was in my mid 40s when I got my first ever spanking and since that happy day two years ago have been beaten regularly, and usually quite hard, which is how I like it. But my bottom usually looks a sorry sight afterwards, sometimes for several weeks. Although healthy I have always bruised quite easily, and additionally I am sure the marks heal more slowly now than they did two years ago. I'm probably heading for menopause, and I believe thinning of the skin is one of the things that happens. (Thinks: I wonder if oestrogen cream applied to the derriere would help?)
I decided to share my experiences with the wider kinky audience because there isn't much information on the net about the dangers of spanking for those with fragile skin. I love being chastised and am a bit of a pain slut. I love going about my business with a tender bottom, all marked up under my clothes. BUT there is a fine line between nicely marked, and looking disturbingly abused or injured. We all draw that line at different places. For me, personally, a badly bruised bottom is worth the fun I had getting that way. But I want to know the marks are going to be gone by the time I need them to be gone, and I don't want to be branded for life, or to damage my health.
There are a few situations I could have avoided if I knew then what I know now: for instance the look of consternation on my doctor's face and the way her gloved hands, about to perform a cervical smear, stopped in mid-air as she beheld my well-caned bottom. Marks where and when you don't want them can have drastic repercussions.
[1] I have only come to grief seriously just once - a severe caning in poor light that broke the skin. I still have the marks MORE THAN A YEAR LATER. The marks are still fading and I am hoping they will eventually disappear completely.
Medical consequences
Not being a doctor I am not qualified to speak. All I can say is that my cursory search on the net has not revealed any hard evidence of serious misadventure from being spanked, and in fact, unless you have a pre-existing medical condition like a bleeding disorder, or are taking a drug like Warfarin (which reduces clotting), there may not be any. Saxon remembers reading about the danger of thrombosis on a BDSM website about five years ago, but I can't track down any useful information. The only other reference to permanent damage I found was in reference to liposuction: scraping the under-surface of the skin breaks the capillaries, resulting a blotchy pink-brown discoloration which is permanent. Unsightly, but not dangerous.
The usual advice to those prone to bleeding is simply not to indulge in this activity. What a lot they are expecting the devoted spankee to give up! It's like telling gays not to have sex because of the risk of Aids. In my opinion it's up to the individual. Learn what you can about the possible risks and what you can do to minimise them, and if you still want to risk it, proceed with caution.
If you have fragile skin like mine you can at least learn from my mistakes. May all your spankings be the unalloyed "pleasurable" experiences they should be, not only at the time but in the weeks that follow.
Implements and their effects
My boyfriend and I are constantly experimenting and refining, learning which implements on which areas cause which marks. What we have learned so far (about MY skin) is:
- Broad implements like hand or strap are likely to bruise, but even bad bruising is gone within three weeks.
- Cuts and bruises are far more likely over bony areas - avoid the hips, stick to the luscious padded bits.
- Thighs, especially inner thighs, bruise easily.
- It's much easier to hide marks that are under your knickers. This is obvious but, because I'm a bit dense, it took a while to act on this knowledge.
- The tips of thin canes, switches and birches and knots on the end of a flogger can break the skin very easily. Even minor cuts can leave marks that last several months.
- Red marks from a strap, switch or flogger can last for a month. Strap marks are dismayingly eye-catching, being distinctively broad and square-ended.
- A cluster of red welts left by a flogger is not a bad look and can be explained away if necessary as a graze or scrape - preferable to the distinctive tram tracks of the cane.
Setting boundaries
'Safe, sane and consensual' goes without saying. Constant communication is necessary, and absolute trust. If you have fragile skin there is lot more to it that establishing a safe-word, because the sub's tolerance might bear little relation to the marks inflicted. She can't see what's going on behind her, and in any case, once she gets into sub-space she's not in a place to make sensible decisions of any sort. So there is an extra burden of care on the Dom.
We have found it is very important to reach an understanding beforehand about what areas of skin and implements are out of bounds, and about the level of acceptable damage. (Discuss well beforehand, and if necessary, write it down. Once you get started, the capacity for rational thought simply disappears.)
- In my experience "yes you can birch/cane/belt me - but only gently" just does not work. The only implement that is completely safe, if excessive marking is absolutely out of the question, is one you have tried out previously and found acceptable when USED AS HARD AS POSSIBLE.
- Always play in good light so the Dom can see what he's doing. Too bad about your stretch marks and cellulite.
- Gagging is unwise. You need to be able to communicate easily.
- Sometimes fantasy and reality simply can't be brought together. "Cane me like you got it at school, but don't mark me. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow." (Sound familiar?) "You can use the strap between my legs, but don't hit my clitoris." Instructions like these put the Dom in an impossible double bind.
Even with these precautions, we have come to realise that mistakes are almost inevitable. Even an experienced Dom will stuff up, even when he knows your skin, because:
- Marks take a while to develop, and you can't take back a stroke once it's landed.
- Force is impossible to judge, especially when the adrenalin kicks in.
Saxon has referred me to the following page regarding bruising: http://www.prophett.net/library/info/bruising.html
(A copy has been appended at the bottom of this page)
I can't comment on the bits about restraints, the flogging and clamping of labia, nipples etc. Each to his own. Here are a few notes about that page:
- My worst bruising lasts longer than two weeks.
- I agree about many lighter strokes in preference to fewer hard ones.
- His 'science' behind the conventional wisdom of warm-up spankings lessening further damage - I'm not convinced. With me the spanking itself usually causes bruising.
- I agree with not spanking over existing bruising. Until the area is well-healed it's going to be more prone to damage.
Gallery (coming soon... )
Now some pix of Moi. This is not meant to be a shock/horror/don't-do-what-I-did sort of thing. You may or may not want to end up looking like this. All I'm saying is that if you have fragile skin like me, this is what you can expect.
For some these images may be a turn-on, and if they do turn you on I certainly have no objection. Some Doms are fixated on young girls, but I would like to advertise the fact that older women can also be damn fine candidates for spanking.
[Source: The House of Darkwatch website]
Preventing and dealing with bruises
Bruises can easily be the result of erotic power exchange play. Some consider bruises as nice reminders, others hate them or - for social reasons - do not like them at all. You can take some precautions and there is some after care that should be observed. This article deals with the most common aspects, when it comes to bruising.
First all this. Bruises are caused by small sub-skin arteries (capillaries) breaking and as a result a small quantity of blood is spilled and clutters under the skin. It shows as a blue-ish/red-ish skin discolouring - sometimes combined with a swelling that is the result of blood and body fluids clustering under the skin. Unless you suffer from varicose or in the event you are a leukaemia patient (in which case it is probably wise not to enter into ANY physical erotic power exchange play), or in the event you are taking blood-thinning medicine as a result of a heart disease or thrombosis, mild bruises are not really something to worry about in a medical sense. The small quantity of blood will eventually be dissolved by the body, colouring the bruise itself to various shades of green and yellow until it finally disappears. This may take anything between a few days to two weeks, depending on your own physique.
Depending on the type of play, bruises may vary quite a bit and may have different causes. Caning for example will leave fierce and long lasting bruises, whereas bruises, that are the result of spanking, may disappear quickly. There are very little general rules about bruising, since much of this depends on your physique and physical condition. Some medicine - for example aspirin - may even have a negative (as in "bruise-improving") effect.
In a BDSM context there are various different causes for bruising, many of which are frequently overlooked. Whipping, caning, spanking and flogging are the obvious causes, but there are others as well (again depending on your physique). Here we go:
- Kneeling and simply laying down - Kneeling and crawling may cause bruises and so may a simple thing as laying down for a longer (several hours) period of time without being able to change position. This happens during prolonged bondages for example or when locked in a cage.
- Knots, ropes, studs and rivets - Knots, ropes and especially the backside of studs and rivets (inside cuffs, restraints and leather clothing for example) are "hidden" causes for bruises, especially in the event you lay down or sit on them or - in the case of cuffs or ropes for example - in the event you fight them or otherwise move about fiercely or abruptly (which is far from uncommon during active play).
- Untying - You may not want to believe this, but the most common cause for bruises is UNTYING your bondage. In fact what happens here is rope burn. By pulling away access rope ends you can easily burn the skin. The simple prevention here is to put two fingers under the rope and letting the end, you want to pull, slip through in between your fingers.
- Invisible bruises - The fact that you cannot see a bruise doesn't mean it isn't there. For example, labia and nipples can and will bruise as well, but due to the dark skin colour - which by the way is a rather common problem for non-Caucasians - you may not be able to notice the discolouring. Nipple and labia clamps for example almost always leave bruises - you are just unable to see them.
Physical prevention
Depending on the situation, there are a few things you can do to prevent bruises. For example, if your sub bruises easily and this is an unwanted effect, try covering the area that is to be spanked of whipped. Something simple like a sheet will help to prevent bruising. A latex sheet will do even better.
A dominant factor in bruise-prevention while whipping or spanking however is in your technique. Using a cat whip with broader and more strokes produces a sturdy effect but - since the impact is spread more evenly - also prevents bruising. Rounding the tips of the strokes will also help. Wide paddles are less like to bruise than narrow paddles. The infamous "soft" floggers (suede based usually) are well known bruisers, and are not as "soft" as you think they are. Going slow and opting for MANY instead of fewer HARD strokes (which will eventually produce the same effect) will also help you to prevent bruises. That is also true for spanking. A good warm up also helps and another MAIN prevention tool is the temperature in the room. If it is warm enough, the body will send LESS blood to the skin in an effort to warm it, hence the internal pressure in the capillaries is a lot less and there is less risk of the small veins breaking, which is what causes the bruise. Alternatively, if the temperature in the room is to high, the body will also send larger quantities to the skin in an effort to cool it (which is also what the body does during an actual spanking or flogging, this is what colour the skin reddish), hence the capillary pressure again is higher than normal.
Clamps with a broader, flattened beak - preferably one that is coated/covered with cork, latex or plastic - are less likely to bruise. Sharp small clamps - especially the ones with little teeth inside - bruise more easily. In the event you are using clothespins, the sides of the pin is what causes the bruising. Rounding them off a little with sandpaper again helps preventing bruises.
Many bruises, caused by bondages (knots, ropes and untying) and restraints can easily be prevented. As a general rule of thumb, inexperienced Doms will do wise to leave clothing ON under the bondage. Especially steel (police type) cuffs and shackles are well known causes for bruises. These can be prevented through the simple use of sweatband such as worn by tennis players around their wrists. Wearing these under the cuffs (or rope) will prevent bruising and other accidental injuries, especially in the event the sub wants to fight the restraints.
Medical prevention and after care
In the context of D/s play, not all bruises can be prevented. Those who engage in activities leaving frequent bruises do well to consider the following. On a daily basis, taking 1000mg. of vitamin C, which helps with tissue repair. Avoid the frequent use of aspirin, ibuprofen (Motrin), naprosyn (Naproxen, Aleve) and other drugs of the non-steroidal anti-inflammatory class.
Activities leaving bruises are to be completely avoided if a person is taking Coumadin, a drug to prevent clotting. Bruises can be treated simply with ice for the first 24 hours followed by application of heat.
Caring for bruises immediately after play with Vitamin E cream or oil also helps the bruises to heal and disappear more rapidly. Although there is no direct scientific explanation for it [ED: actually there IS a very sound scientific reason], quite a few subs report extra healing effects of Vitamin E cream that also contains Aloe Vera extract. If it helps, it helps. It won't harm and applying cream shortly after a whipping, caning or spanking also has a cooling, soothing effect which may form a serious and important part of your after care.
Other important information
A bruise is also there to help you. It will tell you that the bruised area requires healing before it can be used for similar activity again and the physical signs (discolouring) will act as an alert for the Dom not to whip, cane, flog or spank that area again until the bruises have healed (i.e. disappeared) completely. Apart from the fact that hitting an existing bruise again can be very painful, it can also cause other - persisting - problems such as scars.
Subcutaneous (under the skin) scars are one of the main dangers, especially when it comes to caning and intense flogging. The scar will not be visible, since it will be embedded in the natural fat (especially on the bottom and breasts) but unfortunately it will appear at a later age - or after reducing your body weight - as a very nasty "bump" that will not go away anymore. A bruise will tell you that that particular part of the body has had as much as it can handle and that any further activity may cause more permanent damage. In that sense crossing a previous mark when caning for example is something that is best avoided.
Permanently damaging nerve ends is another hazard although it should not be exaggerated. There are thousands and thousands of nerve ends in and directly under your skin and losing one or two won't create dramatic changes, especially not in your bottom. Losing one nerve end there will only cause the loss of sense in an area less than a square millimetre and the neighbouring nerve ends are very likely to take over. However, in other areas, such as around joints, the anus and genital area, this is an entirely different story. Damaging nerve ends there may cause serious trouble, such as loss of sensitivity. For that reason bruising areas like the labia should be prevented as much as possible.
There is a widely spread rumour about the use of nipple clamps and cancer developing in and around the nipples. Although it may be true that repeated and prolonged serious damage of cells in one particular area may cause or stimulate the development of a tumour, at least until now there is no evidence that the responsible use of nipple clamps (i.e not overdoing it and not causing serious damage like bleeding nipples on a more or less permanent basis) has any influence on the development of tumours.
Author unknown but retains all credits and rights
Further Information
The BBC (bless 'em) has a very helpful and informative page on bruises:
